can't sleep

Well it is 4 AM and still not time to get up. I am usually up by 4:30 AM but today I am early. I took the day off yesterday to take my wife to the doctor. I spent the whole day inside and did nothing but take care of her. I feel that she is making me a recluse. I don't have any contact with friends or family, except by phone. When I go shopping each week I go by myself because there is no one to go with. I have tried to get my wife to go with me for the last 20 years but she never would. She always had an excuse. I should be angry at her parents, they were the ones who caused this depression she has and with that came other illnesses. Sometimes I think it would be easier if I were not married, since I spend so much time alone now anyway. Well I have my online friends and that makes it a little easier to cope.
Time to go, it is my usual time to get up. So I will go to the job I used to like and come home to my reclusive wife and take care of her as best as I can.

Commitment

I live in a state where the word commitment doesn't mean much. Growing up I learned that your word is your bond. When you say you will do some thing, it means you are committing yourself to your word. In the state of Utah that means nothing. I guess I am referring to those I work with and those who live here. The company I work for doesn't know the meaning of the word. They are a bunch of accountants that look at numbers instead of the people that make those numbers work. The people they hire don't understand the word, much less it's meaning. Hell they don't even speak English much less understand it.
Toady's youth in the work place don't care whether they do a good job, if the product they produce is of good quality or their work ethics. All they want is to get a paycheck, have fun and then go home. Lets face it, the company I work for has no incentive to work efficiently, produce a quality product or enforce the rules they themselves have set up. There is no support from the "higher ups" for those who do try to make things better, and as a result the rules are left to deteriorate.
I guess it is time for me not to care much anymore, I used to get such great satisfaction from my job until I moved to Utah, the tenth happiest state in the union.
So I will end this diatribe, consider my position and learn not to care about what I do or what I say, because the word is no longer the bond.

A life of Dreams

I have watched people for a long time, I see them interact on the street, on TV and in small areas like stores and shops. I see husbands and wives holding hands as they do their errands, young lovers with their arms around each other. I see the elderly couples look at each other in a way that expresses so much.
It has been a long time since I have done any of these things. The family has long departed, daughters married and raising their own children, sons off on a new career with wives and children. Meanwhile I am sitting here writing wishful thoughts, looking at what I would like life to be like. A women by my side that can laugh, tease, and sing little tunes, even if she can't sing. Someone to do errands with, pick out household items and even tell me that my shirts are worn out. Someone  that likes short walks on sunny days, hot cocoa on cold nights and likes to sit next to me watching a movie. Someone who can show me a different side of life, one that I have never experienced. Since that may never happen, and especially since no one is going to read this anyway, I will say that I am still hopeful that I may have life changes before I vanish from this earth.

" Space the final frontier"

Does the title sound familiar? I have been watching some space movies, NOVA, Star Trek etc. and I was wondering what it would be like to live on a space ship. There are some advantages, such as no need for money, no grocery shopping, entertainment would be provided daily, your job would be more interesting and the scenery would truly be different. The disadvantages would be never seeing your family and relatives again, unless they were with you, never seeing the sun shine or a summer breeze blowing on your face. You may see distant planets with a similar atmosphere, but somehow it would not be the same. There are dangers of course, most of them unknown. But if you have an adventurous nature, it might be quite interesting.
So someday in the future you may be asked to join a space voyage, what would your answer be?

Generally speaking

I have often noticed that most people don't know their neighbors. Years ago most of the inhabitants of a neighborhood knew everyone on the block. Their children played together, outdoors, went to school together and walked, yes walked, home from school together. Todays society doesn't have that same sense of belonging. We have become a mobile people, moving from one place to another to make ends meet or going after that next big pay check. Companies don't have the same loyalty as in the past. If you can't do the job than you are out, instead of finding a place in the workforce to help you fit. I have heard a lot of stories about the number of jobs that are listed on resumes. I myself have only had seven in the last 50 years.
Whether we like it or not, we have to live among other people in order to survive. So get to know your neighbor and help the new employee fit into the company you work for.
Since no one reads this, it is safe to say that these changes will never happen.

for real

Today I got depressed. Not because that is my nature, but because I was tired. Sometimes I would like to go on a vacation with no worries and no one to bother me. I like being out in the world. I like nature and exploring new places. Maybe it is a city I have never been to or a hiking trail I have never been on. I'm not crazy about big cities but I do like museums and small shops. I like quiet and maybe a little noise. I like the east coast, but have never been to the west coast. I would like to travel the US. I know these things will never happen because I am tied down by someone who does not like to leave the house. So every once in awhile I get depressed and I go to Google Earth to view the places I cannot get to.

Time

This will probably be short but the amount of time I spend sleeping is far short of the norm. I made the mistake of buying a bed online, the one we got from JC Penny is firm to the point of being uncomfortable. There seems to be a high spot on the inner portion of the bed. I guess I will have to swallow the $1200 I spent for it and get a more comfortable mattress.
The second part of this time episode is the number of times I have to get up at night to take my wife to the bathroom. we have been married for over 40 years. She started out being mentally "handicapped" and it progressed to being physically handicapped. She now needs help getting around and makes no effort to try to get around by herself. I have seen older women in the grocery store, with their oxygen in tow, doing their weekly shopping. I will have to admit that some  of this is my own doing. I never made her have to do things on her own and now I am paying the price.
So at some point I will have to retire, not because I want to, but because I am to tired to go to work. Time spent in a garden will do me a lot of good, time to take a nap will help also.

Disaster

Today I watched several movies that destroyed New York, Lexington Ky., Paris and who knows where else. The thing about these movies is that the acting is so bad that the movie is interesting. Yes they are "B" movies and the outcome is predictable, still the special effects are really great. Along with these movies are the monster movies. The "monsters " are superimposed but that is okay. The amount of ketchup used must be enormous.
All in all they are entertaining and somewhat of a cult following. I don't know how many times I have seen the St Louis Arch fall or New York in shambles. I can say this that the violence in them is not to be believed because it is so fake. As for the women in their skimpy or tight fitting clothing, well I guess that is the what draws attention.
So the next time you want to see a good disaster movie, go pick out one that is rated B for bad, you will get a good laugh and be entertained at the same time.

Your welcome

Apparently the words "your welcome" no longer exist in the modern day radio interview. Haven't you noticed that the host thanks the person interviewed, and the guest also says thank you. Don't they know they are supposed to say your welcome. Being polite seems to have gone by the wayside. Saying yes sir and no sir don't seem to exist anymore. Holding the door open for someone means that the person holding the door is showing respect and politeness to the person passing through the door. Opening the door for a women has the same value.
I think to many people in the world today are so self centered that nothing else matters unless it involves themselves. Listening to an elderly person talk shows that their life had meaning at one time and it also passes a bit of history on to the younger listener. Stories of the " good old days " are always interesting even if the good old days weren't so good.
So lets remember that life is what you make of it and who you are depends on how you treat others.

Weekend

I know that no one will read this but I will write it anyway. The weekend is done and it is back to work tomorrow. Sometimes I think the last two days have gone by so fast I wonder if there was a weekend. I didn't do anything that was fun, I'm not sure what is fun anymore anyway. When I was younger, I spent time with friends at the skating rink every weekend, we had a great time. Now that I am older and I am a care person for my handicapped wife, I don't have fun anymore, haven't had it for some time. So to fill in the few moments that I have, I go online looking for people to write to, pen pals if you will. I have found some interesting folks there. Mostly women write and that is fine, they share there lives with me and I try to share mine with them. Some of them are lonely, some are in marital situations that is not the best, and some just want to talk. Since I don't know them I can give them advice that is not biased. I can take events from my life, from what I have learned and pass it along to them. Those who are lonely are usually looking for a relationship. I keep them happy by talking to them, listening to their stories. When they find that somebody special, I know they will no longer need my services and I may or may not hear from them anymore. In that case I go looking for someone else who is in need of my attention. Some of these online aquaintences last for years and others last only a few months. That is fine with me because I was a part of their lives for awhile and I am satisfied that they are, hopefully, happy.
So I will end this weekend story and continue my search for another pen pal that I can be of assistance.

state of the art building

I work for a company that is building a " state of the art facility". This "new" building has been in the building stages for 17 plus years. I figure by the time it is finished I will have retired and moved on. Instead of finishing the process, the company does things to make it look good, as if looking good helps the company grow. Inside is a gourmet kitchen, marble floors and grand management offices. In the meantime the production is in a state of ineffeciant  operation that boggles the mind. The many products that are made there, are made on 60 plus year old equipment that is in need of repair. There is a 10 by 14 foot room that has just been completed, after it was started one year ago. There is nothing special about this room. It has air conditioning, vacuum system that is connected to a previous system and power for an old machine. The fact remains that it took one year to finish this room.
In the time it has taken to build this facility, the city has built an entertainment center that has a 13 screen theater, 120 apartments, sports center and several resturants. A large candy company built a distribution center and the golden arches has been torn down and rebuilt in less time than this company was able to build this  "state of the art" facility, which is still not completed. It takes more money to build something if it takes to much time, so aparently the owners have a lot of money to throw around, it would be nice if they would finish the building, pay their employees a decent  wage and benefits.
The operation of the company is extremely poor. Even though I admire the owners on their book smart operation, they don't know didly about how to run it to it's maximum capacity. The owners keep buying smaller operations, at a good price I would imagine, shut it down and move it to the main plant, then expect this old equipment to keep up. They have a warehouse, known as the black hole, where all this surplus equipment is stored. Once something is stored there it will never be seen again no matter how badly it is needed.
The only good thing I can say is I am glad I have a job, at least for the next couple of years.

Immigration

In my opinion there should be a limit to the amount of care we give to illegal immigrants. Starting in February, lets limit their care to emergency, do not give them money and send them home to their native country. By the end of the year lets cut off any care for them as they are a drain on our financial resources. Most countries state that illegal immigration breaks down the economy of their respective countries, and since this is the opinion of the world countries than it is a world wide problem. We want people to come here and enjoy what we have, but lets not open the doors to every low life and criminal. If an illegal immigrant comes here and starts a family than has to be deported, that person has two choices, go back to their country alone or take the family with them. In my opinion, family members born here to an illegal immigrant should not be given citizenship just because they were born here. The parents should present their documents showing that they are legal citizens and then their children can be citizen. We could save a lot of money that we need to take care of those who do live here by not allowing it to be spent on those who do not belong here.